Snap, Crackle, Plunk

I made an interesting "archeological" find yesterday. I was playing my acoustic guitar and I decided it was time to change the strings. After looking through the stash of various musical accessories next to my amp, I realized the only strings I had on hand were for my electric guitar. But then I thought I might have left a set in my acoustic's guitar case. Upon opening the case, I didn't find any strings, but I did find a block of something wrapped in wax paper, which upon closer inspection turned out to be Rice Krispie squares!

Initially, I couldn't figure out what in the world would possess me to place a block of Rice Krispie squares in my guitar case. Where did they come from? How long had they been in there? I've been trying to think back to the last time I had the guitar out of the house, and I think it must have been at a party thrown by Greg and Heather's friend Gailóand that was late last summer!

hmmmm, I wonder if they're still fresh...

*cccccrrrrrrrrunch*

...uh, not very.

*Knock, knock* "Swab Shark!"

Hey everybody, it's a good old-fashioned blooding! Check your rights at the door.

Lunacy

I just had to pass this along... because, I, too, like tha mooooon.
[via Mike at Randomness Personified]

Ad Hawk?

Call me paranoid, but I think the Blog*Spot banner ad at the top of this page is talking about me.

I've noticed over the past week or so that the items being advertised in the banner seem to be triggered by the content of my blog posts.

Exhibit A: A few posts ago, I mentioned WilcoóNext day, the banner is advertising the Minus 5 CD "Down With Wilco" on Amazon.ca;
Exhibit B: I mentioned Neil YoungóBam, the banner is touting Neil Young CDs;
Exhibit C: In the recent post about the mayor and the Rolling Stones, I mentioned office furniture and Italian shoesóVoila! The banner is trying to sell you office furniture and Italian jewelry!

Now maybe this is old news to those of you who are more web-marketing savvy than I am, but I find it kind of unnerving

Okay, here's a test:
[Shhhhh, don't say anything. Just act normal, Don't look at the banner.]
[I said don't look at the banner!]

Okay, so, like, last Saturday night I went to the Rivoli to see the Silver Hearts play Tom Waits' Rain Dogs in its entirety, and in the same tracking order. It was a great show! If any band was made for that music, it's the Silver Hearts, who I believe I described in a post many moons ago as resembling less a band than members of a Tom Waits band camp. This was part of a series that will apparently be held every third Sunday of the month at the Riv, with different bands and combinations of artists tackling a complete album. Great idea!

But there also seems to be a competing series, which is along the same lines, but features a collection of various, less well-known local musicians playing classic albums. Tomorrow night (Thursday) at the Phoenix, they're going to present Fleetwood Mac's Rumours in its entirety.

So, to recap, that's Tom Waits and Fleetwood Mac. Yes, Tom Waits and Fleetwood Mac.

[all right, Banner, let's see what you come up with...]

Shine A Light

So, it's the Rolling Stones to Toronto's emotional rescue? Well, that says maybe.

Okay, I know this was the brainchild of local MP Dennis Mills, but I kind of like to imagine the decision-making process to have gone something like this instead:

The scene: a dark, rainy night in Toronto. Inside Metro City Hall, the office of Mayor Mel Lastman, where we find the diminutive former furniture salesman seated behind his enormous oak desk in a deluxe executive high-backed leather chair ($799.47 at Bad Boy Furniture). He is sitting as far back in the chair as possible, engulfed by its generously padded back and arms, his legs sticking straight out, barely reaching past the chair's edge.

The seal of the city is mounted on the wall behind and above him, with the gold-embossed motto: "Please Like Us."

Lastman's head is propped up on his right hand, his index finger on his temple, brow furrowed as he watches Toronto Police Chief Julian Fantino pacing a trench in the faux-Persian rug ($1200.99 at Bad Boy) in front of Lastman's desk.

"Mr. Mayor, we're at our wits' end," Chief Fantino says, his voice rising with exasperation. "This SARS thing has really hurt the city. Large conferences have been canceled. High-profile concerts have been canceled. Hollywood stars and film shoots are relocating elsewhere. The number-crunchers over at the Tourism Board are telling me that revenues for the city will be significantly down this summer. It's a mess Mr. Mayor. We've got to do something!"

Lastman flutters his hands toward the 10-foot-high windows. "But these people in Zurich and New York, and...and...wherever...just don't seem to understand! It's perfectly safe to come here. We haven't had a new case of SARS in over two months!"

"Well, it actually hasn't been that long, Mr. Mayor," Fantino says patiently, with a hint of fatigue, "but, yes, the disease does appear to be under control."

"Maybe I should go on CNN again, andó"

"óNO!" Fantino abruptly interrupts, lunging suddenly toward the mayor's desk, then recaptures his composure and straightens up. "Er, I mean, no Mr. Mayor, that's perhaps not the best idea at this time...uh, so soon after your last appearance. Wouldn't want people getting sick of you," he adds with a forced chuckle.

"No, we wouldn't want that," the mayor agrees solemnly. The room is quiet but for the dull thud of Irony hitting the hard-wood floor. Fantino's pupils dart to the corners of his eyes, in the direction of the sound, but his head remains stationary. He bites the inside of his mouth.

The mayor is silent for a moment as he ponders the options. Once again, the future of the city has fallen on his shoulders. His eyes wander over to the silver-framed photo of his wife Marilyn smiling at him from the far edge of his desk; over to the other side of the desk to the smaller, hand-made wood-framed photo of his illegitimate sons from an affair he had with a woman many years ago; on to Chief Fantino's shoes. Nice shoes, he thinks. Italian leather? Yeah, probably. Fantino. That's Italian, right? Yeah. Makes sense.

The mayor feels tired. It's his last term, having made the decision to retire, and his creative juices are drier than a... drier than a...oh, something that's usually pretty dry.

Lastman's eyebrows suddenly arch up toward his brillo-pad scrub of hair, which rushes to meet them with the zeal of a cult looking for new recruits. With his gaze still fixed on Fantino's shoes, he announces with a mixture of decisiveness and resignation:

"Well, in that case Chief, there's only one thing we can do."

He raises his head and locks eyes with Fantino. The Chief nods knowingly.

Fantino moves toward the window, where an object about the size of a bread box sits chest-high atop a brass pedestal. It's covered by a black, leather hood emblazoned with the words "For Official Use Only". The Chief pulls off the cover, revealing what looks like a search lamp, and swivels it to point out the window. He flips a switch and a beam of light slices out into the night, painting the dark, rainy sky with a startling imageóa sign to all in the city that help is on the way. And a beacon to alert the ones who alone can help the city in its hour of need, that their assistance is required.

...This image.

The city is saved.

Outta Site

Hey, my friend (and former bandmate) Heather suddenly has a web page!

The things you learn from a person's bio. Heather, I didn't know you knew Joey Ramone!

Return Of The "Missing 6" (minus 2)

Neil Young fans rejoice!

From Billboard.com:
The four remaining Neil Young studio albums that have never been issued on CD will finally be unveiled in that format next month. "On the Beach," "American Stars 'N Bars," "Hawks & Doves," and "Re.ac.tor" will be released June 24 via Reprise. The albums, which have been out of print in any form for years and heavily bootlegged, have been digitally remastered but do not include any bonus tracks.

To which I give a resounding WOO!

Yet, a tempered WOO!, because:

1) That's only four of the "Missing 6". (Read more here.) Only the bona fide studio albums. What about the live album Time Fades Away, Neil? Frankly, I can live without Hawks & Doves and Re.ac.tor, though they have their moments, and Journey Through The Past is just kind of a soundtrack mish-mash, but TFA is a sentimental favourite, and a bit of a diamond in the rough among Neil fans. Of course, On The Beach is a minor classic, so it'll be great to have that and American Stars 'N Bars on CD finally.

2) While it's great that they're getting remastered (word is that Neil has held off re-releasing these on CD for so long because he was never happy with the state of analogue-to-digital transfer technology, and didn't want to re-release these in what he considers inferior sound quality. My guess is that the technology used for the recent Rolling Stones ABKCO reissues is what finally convinced him) ... but no bonus tracks??!! Ah, c'mon Neil! You've got so much stuff in the vaults, surely you can spare three or four rarities or pertinent live tracks for these re-releases.

Still, a big WOO! Far be it for me to look a gift (crazy) horse in the mouth.

Pseudo Simian-ulation

Well, this is very disappointing, isn't it. Personally, I was expecting better from Rowan. And let's face it, Elmo has never been a team player.

But it was hardly a fair experiment, was it? It certainly wasn't replicated properly. There was not an infinite number of monkeys (only sixóand I may not be up on this new math, but I can tell you that six is very frickiní far from infinity), nor was there an infinite number of typewriters (just one computer). And they were given only a month! You show me a writer (with amnesia) who can reproduce the complete works of Shakespeare in a month, and I'll be a monkey's uncle.

IT'S NOT FAIR! IT'S NOT FAIR! IT'S NOT FAIR!... [pounds stick against the ground over and over, and then, in complete rage, tosses it high into the air, where it revolves end-over-end, all slow-motion like, before transforming into the internatioal space station.]

... ooh, that was cool.

Couldn't You Just...

Okay, but can anyone name the tune? [Hint: click on the little asterisk]

Fountains Soon To Flow

Wooo! News from power pop wonderboys Fountains Of Wayne that their new album Welcome Interstate Managers will be released on June 10th, followed by a tour in July. So far only US dates, but check out the first one: July 3rd in Milwaukee...with Wilco! Man, now that's a double bill!

So the Fountains may not be flowing yet, but if you go to the band's web site, you can hear a stream (heh) of the new single, "Stacy's Mom". It rocks.

Can't help wondering what these guys will be like when they're 60.

What He Said

My friend Howard is never stingy in giving me props, so it's my turn to return the favour. Please read the wonderful recent installment of his "Under The Umbrella" column at Umbrellamusic.com. Bravo Howard! Nice job.

Those words of wisdom from Mr. Lama also reminded me of a conversation I had with Howard over dinner a few weeks ago. We were discussing the Iraq war, and Howard brought up the following quote from Albert Einstein: "No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it."

Pretty smart feller, that Einstein.

And hey, look, here are some more quotes from Mr. Einstein!

"Tin soldiers and Nixon comin'..."

The front page of the New York Times on this day in 1970.

Interesting to read in the story that the National Guard initially claimed there was a sniper firing at them from a rooftop. Convenient things, those snipers. Always good to have one in your pocket in case you have to use deadly force against unarmed people. Like when that tank fired at the hotel full of journalists in Baghdad. Or like those unruly crowds of ungrateful Iraqis.

And I wonder was it only a coincidence that last night while I was eating dinner in a small Mexican restaurant in the Annex, CSNY's "Ohio" was playing over the sound system.

You Don't Say

From ABCNews.com: Washington, April 25 ó To build its case for war with Iraq, the Bush administration argued that Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction, but some officials now privately acknowledge the White House had another reason for war ó a global show of American power and democracy. [read more...]

I like this part:
Officials inside government and advisers outside told ABCNEWS the administration emphasized the danger of Saddam's weapons to gain the legal justification for war from the United Nations and to stress the danger at home to Americans.

"We were not lying," said one official. "But it was just a matter of emphasis."

I suppose that's so. Emphasize the misleading information; de-emphasize the truth.

So here's a report from ABCNews that essentially says the Bush administration misled the American people and the rest of the world with respect to the real reasons for launching a war in Iraq. That they actually hadógasp!óanother agenda.

Fallout=0.

Ah yes, the power of the liberal media.

The Problem As I See It

Honestly, I think it's time we all began to raise our hands in the air, and wave íem like we really do care! Who's with me?

While you're making up your minds, here's some more of WFMU's Sites For Sore Eyes.

I'm Baaaack!

Woo! My proofreader's eye managed to pick out the anomalous piece of code in my template that was screwing everything up. You'll have to pardon my self-back-patting, but I was beginning to think I had scotched the whole thing.

For those of you who haven't been by for a few days...nevermind.

Cool test pattern though, eh? I found a bunch of them through Google. There must be a program that can take several images and make a screensaver, right? Anyone know?

Something Funny Happened...

...on the way to my blog forum. I think I may have screwed up my template code when I was updating it over the weekend. Hopefully I can figure out what went wrong. Probably just an errant keystroke.

Wilco Complies

God bless Wilco!

Just when I had resigned myself to the fact that I'd have to hunt down a rare (and expensive) import of Wilco's Australian tour edition of Yankee Hotel Foxtrot, so I could get my hands on the bonus 6-song EP the band had promised some time ago to release "early in 2003", they've gone and decided to give the EP away as a free download! Cover art and all!
(I know... that was a very long-winded and at times awkward sentence... but the pay-off was worth it, wasn't it?)

It's apparently to celebrate the one-year anniversary of YHF's official release. They say it's a way of saying thanks for supporting the band over the past year.

They're also streaming the six songs through the site, so you can listen first. You may need Quicktime 6, which you can download here.

It was also just announced that they'll be playing here on June 20. That's the good news. The bad news is they're playing Kool Haus, which is as bad a venue for live music as the name is pretentious. Use to be more aptly named The Warehouse. Oh well, I haven't missed a Wilco show yet, so I guess I'll be at this one.

Yes...will comply.

Links du jour

Just some stuff from today's trolling on the íNet.

ï Why Am I Getting All This Spam? Unsolicited Commercial E-mail Research Six Month Report

ï Man Bites Dog!

ï Bye Bye Felice Bryant

Dirty (em)Bedding?

I read this article in the New York Times yesterday, and it sure raised a few questions in my mind about military censorship of the press. Why does this writer need to submit a story to the military now, when hostilities in Iraq have pretty much ceased? Will the military censor the media in the new, "free" Iraq?

Nice to see Slate is, as always, keeping a critical eye on things, and Jack Shafer is on the case.

You da Boss!

On his web site, Bruce Springsteen has posted a statement about the Dixie Chicks. Right on Bruce!

On a related note, in case you haven't seen this: the "real" apology from Natalie Maines.

Brothers In Funk

I went to see The Funk Brothers at Massey Hall Tuesday night. If you've seen the film "Standing In The Shadows Of Motown", then you know who The Funk Brothers are.

They were essentially the house band for Motown Records' Detroit era from the early í60s to the í70s, before Motown moved to LA. They supplied the music on just about every Motown hit you could name. Think of hits by The Temptations, The Supremes, The Four Tops, Stevie Wonder, Marvin Gaye, Martha Reeves, Smokey Robinson... They played on more #1 hits than the Beach Boys, The Rolling Stones, Elvis and The Beatles combined.

And they were great! It was like an old-time Motown review. The six surviving membersótambourine genius and vibe-player Jack Ashford, keyboardist Joe Hunter, bassist Bob Babbitt, guitarists Joe Messina and Eddie Willis and drummer Uriel Jonesówore red blazers, and were augmented by other players, including a 4-piece horn section and three back-up singers, most of whose pedigrees were from the Philly Soul stable, MFSB, etc. Like the movie (and if you haven't seen the movie, go see it) they had guest singers along, including Joan Osborne, Maxi Priest, Darlene Love and various solo turns by each of the back-up singers. Unfortunately, Bootsy Collins had apparently fallen ill, so he had to cancel. Too bad.

But with a set list that included such songs as "Uptight (Everything's Alright)", "Ain't Too Proud To Beg", "How Sweet It Is", "My Girl", "Stop In The Name Of Love" (both these last 2 songs featured members of the audience on stage), "What's Going On?", and many other hits, it was hard to complain. And let me tell you, these guys might be oldósome of them could barely walkóbut they can still play! They got the funk out all right!

But for my money, Joan Osborne gets highest marks, especially for her rendition of "What Becomes Of The Brokenhearted". That song obviously means a great deal to her, ícos she sang the shit out of it. Talk about heart and soul. It was one of those transcendent moments in live music that just carries you along with itóup and up and up, and on to some place else entirely. It was magnificent.

The only moment to beat that was when they played "Heard It Through The Grapevine", which Osborne also sang. When they started with that ominous keyboard intro, that tribal beat, then the drums come tumbling in, the guitar slices on the 2 and the 4... it put a chill up my spine. It was quite surreal actually. I thought to myself, this isn't some band playing "Heard It Through The Grapevine"; it is the band that recorded that track. They created this song. They made it sound the way it sounds. And they're doing it again, right in front of me. I would pay the full ticket price again, if only just to go back in time to hear them play that song again. It was amazing.

If you get a chance to catch these guys on tour, do it. They're just getting the acclaim they deserve now, after 30 or 40 years. They are pop music history, and they won't be around much longer. And they are a great funking band.

SARS-casm

So here's my question about SARS: It's Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome, right? So why "severe" and "acute"? Isn't that pretty much the same thing?

My theory is that it was originally called Acute Respiratory Syndrome, and all the medical researchers had a little giggle when they referred to it amomgst themselves as ARS*.

Medical Researcher Guy #1: "Hey, that guy's got ARS."

Medical Researcher Guy #2: "Uh-huh-huh. Yeah. Hey, so have you. You've got ARS."

Medical Researcher Guy #1: "Uh-huh-huh. Uh-huh-huh. Yeah. Everybody's got ARS."

Medical Researcher Guy #2: "Uh-huh-huh. Uh-huh-huh. Yeah."

But then when it got popular, they had to add the "severe" bit.

Ya think?


* with sincerest apologies to the Atlanta Rhythm Section, makers of such mid-í70s glossy and melodic southern rock hits as "So Into You".

Of Cards And Chaos

So by now we've all seen the news of looting and chaos in Baghdad and Basra. And the coalition forcesí unwillingness to stop it. But hey, don't blame them. They're trying to police the globe; you can't expect them to police a whole city!

And by now you've also seen the news about the "Most Wanted" playing cards that are being handed out so soldiers can identify the 50 or so top members of the (former) Iraqi regime who are soughtódead or alive.

That's a nice touch, isn't it?

Apparently the trading of these cards is hot and heavy among US soldiers. Particularly desirable is the Osama bin Laden rookie terrorist card, and the weapons of mass distrustion cardóboth very hard to find anywhere in Iraq.

Younger Than...

For some people, it's springtime all the time.

(courtesy of inconduit.comóa very cool photoblog.)

Happy Birthday to...

Jimbuck2!

I can't believe I completely forgot the first anniversary of my virgin blog entry. (Easter came a lot earlier last year.)

So have a slice of cake on me.

Or maybe some, um, "pudding"? (courtesy of Heather M.)

It's Not Dark Yet...

I'm beginning to get the feeling we've regressed into the Dark Ages. War in Babylon, contagious diseases, quarantines, sea monsters...

Sea monsters?

"There be sea monsters here!"

Sites For Sore Eyes

Yes, it's more of WFMU's Sites For Sore Eyes.

Please do yourself a favour and check out garyspivey.com. Like most psychics, he leaves you with many questions. Like, "Is this guy for real?" and "Is that really his hair?" and "I wonder if the lady in my life would like The Gary Spivey Classic Thong?"

And if you had any doubt about Gary's credibilty, the photos section will set you straight once you see the quality of people he attracts.

...But Who's Counting?

Iraqometer.

Pinhead Accuracy

Yes, if there's one bright spot in the Iraq War, it's that the superiority of US weapons technology will mean that only strategic military targets will be hit, sparing civilians. Cruise missles never go astray.

CAMP AS SAYLIYAH, QATAR - U.S. officials have halted Tomahawk cruise missile launches over Saudi Arabia after some of the weapons landed in parts of the kingdom's desert, U.S. Central Command said Saturday.

War On War

Are we powerless to fight back? Maybe not.

Consumers battle war through boycotts.

Boycott Brand America!

Hit íem where it hurts!

Support The Truth!

Experts Texperts

It seems not all of the analysts agree.

Analyst says US defeat inevitable

Down On War

I know I'm not alone in this, but this Iraq war is really getting to me. It's depressing. The lies. The deceit. Bush's smugness. Rumsfeld's arrogance. The poisonous lip service being paid to ideals and values that we all hold dear. And the people who are trying to speak up as the real defenders of those values, being demeaned and maligned.

Like everybody, I was unspeakably sad on and after 9/11. But I never felt scared or threatened. Sure, I wondered if something similar could happen here, to the CN Tower, the subway, the office buildings downtown. But the fear never crept into my gut.

Now, I'm afraid. Not so much for myself, but for the thousands of people around the world, especially in the Middle East, who are going to die and suffer as this insanity crawls forward. It's a black cloud over humanity. And it seems it's just begun...

Considering the stuff I posted a few days ago, it would appear that it's Washington's policy to keep this war going, i.e., it's not going to stop with Iraq. Of course, after 9/11, Bush has spelled out who the members of the "Axis Of Evil" are: Iraq, Iran, Syria, Libya, North Korea, etc.

Assuming the "coalition" is victorious in Iraq (and they seem to be having a harder time than they anticipated, even before getting into the urban warfare in Baghdad), that's only the first step.

Of everything I've read so far, this article from Washington Monthly Online puts it all together quite nicely. This excerpt nicely sums up the central point:

"Today, however, the great majority of the American people have no concept of what kind of conflict the president is leading them into. The White House has presented this as a war to depose Saddam Hussein in order to keep him from acquiring weapons of mass destruction--a goal that the majority of Americans support. But the White House really has in mind an enterprise of a scale, cost, and scope that would be almost impossible to sell to the American public. The White House knows that. So it hasn't even tried. Instead, it's focused on getting us into Iraq with the hope of setting off a sequence of events that will draw us inexorably towards the agenda they have in mind."

So, naturally, the question now is: who's next?

And wouldn't you know it, there's Donald Rumsfeld today, rattling his sabre at Syria and Iran.

Unbelievable.

It's nice to see articles are being written about it, though. Not sure how much good they're doing, however. One can only hope that eventually the mainstream media and enough of the American public will start to question the sanity of this policy and these actions, and bring it further into the light of day. And even if rhetoric and reason and sanity and body counts don't carry the day, there's always the possibility that the American public will start pulling on the reins once they realize the economic impact it'll have on them. The rich have already had their $700 million tax cuts slashed in half.

And amidst all this, isn't it kind of ironic that the Lord Of The Rings trilogy should be the dominant film event of these times.

"One ring to bind them..." !!

Here's hoping the little people will once again rise to the occasion.

The Real Smart Bombs

As usual, The Onion hits its targets with laser-guided satire.

This piece in particular, is just so perfect.

As are these News In Brief features:

Sheryl Crow Unsuccessful; War On Iraq Begins
WASHINGTON, DCóIn spite of recording artist Sheryl Crow's strong protestations, including the wearing of a "No War" guitar strap, the U.S. went to war with Iraq last week. "Making the decision to go to war is never easy, but it's that much harder when you know Sheryl Crow disapproves," White House press secretary Ari Fleischer said at a press conference Monday. "It is this administration's sincerest hope that it can one day regain the support and trust of the woman behind such hits as 'All I Wanna Do' and 'Soak Up The Sun.'" Fleischer issued similar apologies to Martin Sheen, Janeane Garofalo, and Nelly.

Vital Info On Iraqi Chemical Weapons Provided By U.S. Company That Made Them
BALTIMOREóThe Pentagon has obtained vital information on Iraqi chemical weapons from Alcolac International, the Baltimore-based company that sold them to the Mideast nation in the '80s. "It's terrifying what Iraq has," Pentagon spokesman James Reese said Monday. "Saddam possesses massive stockpiles of everything from ethylene to thiodiglycol, according to sales records provided by Alcolac." The Pentagon has also been collecting key intelligence on Iraqi nuclear weapons and guidance systems from Honeywell, Unisys, and other former U.S. suppliers to Iraq.

Putting The 'Ass' In 'Ambassador'

So U.S. Ambassador to Canada Paul Cellucci is disappointed.

TORONTO - Some tough words for the Canadian government from U.S. Ambassador Paul Cellucci: he blasted the Liberal government for its failure to back the United States' war in Iraq....

The ambassador said if there were ever a real threat to Canadian security the U.S, would be there to help. "There is no security threat to Canada that the United States would not be ready, willing and able to help with. There would be no debate, there would be no hesitation. We would be there for Canada ó part of our family," he said.

That's so nice of you Mr. Cellucci. Because, as you've obviously forgotten, Canada was there for you when your hostages needed a way out of Iran. And Canada was there for you on 9/11 when many of your citizens, stranded in flight when US airspace was closed, were diverted to airports across Canada, where they received comfort and support. In Newfoundland especially, overwhelmed communities opened their homes and their hearts to hordes of US travellers, making them feel like long-lost friends. (It would be nice if some of those Americans would write Mr. Cellucci and tell him to quit with the threats.)

We've been there with you in the war on terrorism. We've even lost service peopleókilled by your pilots who were hopped up on pills and couldn't seem to remember proper operating procedures. But, they say that's the price of war.

Yes, we've been there for you, Mr. Cellucci. No debate. No hesitation.

But when you ask us to send our sons and daughters to die in a war that's only about American power, well, that calls for some hesitation. And here's what we've decided:

We'll go to war with you, alongside you, when the cause is just; but we won't go to war for you.

And guess what, Mr. Cellucci? Canada is a sovereign nation, and we'll make up our own minds about going to war. So SHUT THE FUCK UP!

There, I feel better now.

The Backroom Boys

I came across some interesting background info that puts the Iraq War in a larger perspective, and frankly, it's pretty disturbing. Maybe some of you readers are already aware of this stuff, but it's something I wasn't aware of.

First there was this article from CBC News Online:
Reality Check: A New American Century. Here's an excerpt:

Long before Sept. 11, influential neo-conservatives wanted to see America as an enlightened ruler, unchallenged, astride the world. Long before Bush was elected president, they got together and they wrote down a manifesto. The document was effectively a charter of the Project for a New American Century, a neo-conservative think tank in Washington.

That apparently led to this document: The National Security Strategy of the United States of America. Essentially, it's the official rationale for preemptive action (which Terry Jones, of Monty Python fame, has lampooned so successfully).

The disturbing thing is that the people who formulated this report concluded that what was needed to jumpstart the new pax Americana was a domestic cataclysm along the lines of another Pearl Harbor. And this was before 9/11.

Now, I'm not saying they engineered 9/11. I'm not that cynical. But still, it shivers me.

The policy initiative, spearheaded by people like Vice-President Dick Cheney, Defence Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, Paul Wolfowitz of the Defence Department and Richard Perle, head of the defence advisory board, was also explored in a series I caught on CBC. It was PBS-produced Frontline series called The Long Road To War. You can view parts of it archived on their site.

Very interesting stuff.

This Richard Perle fellow has been getting ink elsewhere too. In Slate, Jack Shafer writes about Perle's threat to launch a libel suit against investigative journalist Seymour Hersh for an article Hersh wrote in The New Yorker.

In a previous piece in Slate, Shafer had dared Perle to sue Hersh. (btw, you may have heard that Perle, who's also a director of media megalith Hollinger International, had described Hersh to CNN as "the closest thing American journalism has to a terrorist." Gee, at least he isn't trying to chill the press!)

As Shafer writes:
"The [New Yorker] article examines the potential conflict of interest posed by Perle's dual roles as official Bush adviser (in the form of non-paid chair of the Defense Policy Board) and as managing partner at Trireme Partners, a venture capital firm. Trireme appears to invest in businesses that deal in enterprises 'that are of value to homeland security and defense,' according to Hersh's piece. As a special government employee, Perle is subject to a federal Code of Conduct, Hersh writes, and '[t]hose rules bar a special employee from participating in an official capacity in any matter in which he has a financial interest.'

The article doesn't accuse Perle of breaking any laws, but it explores the unseemly nature of advocating a war on Iraq while engaged in a business that could financially benefit from such a war."

Interesting, no?

And then there's this part:
"One former high-level intelligence official spoke with awe of Perle's ability to 'radically change government policy' even though he is a private citizen. 'It's an impressive achievement that an outsider can have so much influence, and has even been given an institutional base for his influence.'"

Isn't that lovely. And Americans' tax cuts are being rolled back to pay for this war! I seem to recall something from a long time ago about taxation without representation. Now here's tax-payer supported warmongering without accountability.

This stuff truly makes me feel ill.

Accountants For Peace?

I'm not sure whether Georgie Wargie needed the approval of the US congress to start the war in Iraq, but it seems he needs them to approve the war budget:

"Speaking at the Pentagon on Tuesday, Bush said he had asked Congress for $74.7 billion for the first part of the war against Iraq. Most of the money, $62.6 billion, would go toward troops in Iraq and involved with other post-Sept. 11 operations around the world, Bush said. The rest includes funding for humanitarian aid and increased security at home in the United States."

Let me get this straight. It's going to cost over $60 billion dollarsóat least, probably much moreóto cause this war carnage. The humanitarian aid will cost at most $12 billion, although some of that amount is earmarked is for homeland security. So less than $12 billion.

So here's my question: Is there a group called Accountants For Peace? Can someone send them these figures. If values and principles mean nothing these days, maybe peace can be bought by appealing to the bottom line. Because according to Bush's own figures, war costs more than humanitarian aid.

Stop Making Sense

Passing on this (via Dean):

A WARMONGER EXPLAINS WAR TO A PEACENIK.

Stop, Drop And Roll In The Aisles

What would you do if faced with terrorism?

Thankfully, the United States government has these helpful tips in handy and easy-to-understand graphic form.
(thanks to Greg)

Australopithicus flamingus

I was proofing some copy for our Video Club at work the other day, written by my copywriting colleague Amy. One of the selections was a video called "Walking With Caveman", some sort of film about Australopithicus afarensis, which the copy said was the first of our primate ancestors "to stand on two legs". Ever the stickler for detail, I edited the copy to read "stand upright" instead, and wrote this comment in the margin: "Yes, prior to this, our ancestors stood on only one leg. Australopithicus flamingus, they were called."

I have to say, that image just cracked me up: a hairy, barely bipedal primate/humanoid, standing on one leg, holding the other one behind him, maybe hopping around, foraging for berries. Falling over.

Voice Over: Soon Australopithicus flamingus experimented with using both legs, and this innovation allowed them to hunt wild gameóprior to this, the only game they could hunt with any degree of success consisted of turtles and some very stunned species of quail. Of course, not only did this provide a much-needed source of protein to jump-start our brain development, it also freed both hands to use tools.

A little known stage of our evolutionary development. In fact, people to this day place flamingo idols on their front lawns in tribute to these pioneering ancestors.

Okay, so it was a slow day at work.

An Irish Blessing

Now that my iMac is back up and running, here's a late St. Paddy's Day blessing.

May those who love us, love us
And those who don't love us
May God turn their hearts
And if he can't turn their hearts
May he turn their ankles
So we will know them by their limping

And another...

If you're lucky enough to be Irish...
You're lucky enough!

Start Me Up

Posting this from work because my iMac at home is on the fritz. I was attempting to do a startup in OS 9.2.2, which I've done successfully before (I usually use OS 10.1something), but instead of booting up in 9.2, all I got was a grey screen. Multiple attempts to restart changed nothing, and it was after 9pm, so I couldn't call Apple Care support. Had to spend the rest of the night actually watching TV.

But I think I've found some helpful troubleshooting documents on the Mac.com support page. I'll try these various solutions when I get home. Apparently holding down the X key during startup should give me a startup manager screen, and I can get into an OS that way. Hopefully that'll do it.

Fingers crossed.

(Luck of the Irish! Bah.)

Get Back Jacko

A friend sent me this photo. Too funny.

Piece Up

This is a bit dated, but I just realized that the story I did for SOCAN is up on their site. It was a piece on Remy Shand and the wave of fresh young Canadian faces getting Grammy nominations this year.

I only got to interview Remy Shand, since Avril was unavailable and Nickelback had just come off a huge tour and weren't doing any press. I've interviewed Chad Kroeger a couple of times already, so that was no biggie, but I had been kind of interested to see what Avril was like. Too bad.

Remy was cool, though. Very easy-going and happy. Quick to laugh. Hopefully he'll nab a few Junos next month. That album rocks.

Ewe Rock!

Flying sheep's head injures concertgoer.

The band, part of Norway's death metal music scene, was carving up a dead sheep as part of its stage act when the animal's head flew off lead singer Maniac's knife and struck 25-year-old Per Kristian Hagen.

"My relationship to sheep is a bit ambivalent now. I like them, but not when they come flying through the air," Hagen told The Associated Press Monday from his hospital room. He is expected to recover.

Um, so does that mean his relationship to sheep was unambivalent prior to this incident?

Who Knew

Nothing to do with the impending desert war; I just happened to come across this entry while flipping through the dictionary this afternoon: camelry.

T(as is "terrorist")-Shirt

God bless those mall security guards. Keeping us free from the tyranny of free speech.

Just their dumb luck (and I do mean dumb) that they picked on a lawyer.

Truth In Advertising

A friend just sent me this movie. It's pretty funny. A bit of a large file, so those of you with slower connections be forewarned.

Seeing Stars

Caught Stars' set at the recently refurbished El Mocambo last Friday night as part of Canadian Music Week. It was the second time I've seen them, the first being at CMW (NxNE?) last year when they played the Horseshoe.

They are one cool band. They're just such cute, romantic, soft revolutionaries. Or as my friend Katherine said (I think it was her), they're what the Smiths would have sounded like if they'd worn pink instead of black.

I picked up their latest CD, Heart and it's very yummy. I especially like "Elevator Love Letter", "Death To Death", "Romantic Comedy" and "Don't Be Afraid To Sing".

This is music that makes you wish you had a broken heart.

You can check out some of their songs here (although I couldn't get the player to launch on my computer).

Also picked up the latest from The Minus 5, Down With Wilco. This is essentially Scott McCaughey (Young Fresh Fellows, R.E.M.) being orbited by Peter Buck, Ken Stringfellow and Wilco. Sean O'Hagan (High Llamas, Stereolab) even pops up to lend a hand on at least one track.

It's taking a bit longer to sink in, mostly because right now it's being eclipsed by Stars, but I generally like it. With that crew, you won't be surprised to hear that it's kind of, well, alt-ambient roots pop. And y'know, that's not a bad crossroads to be standing at. "I'm Not Bitter" is a particularly enjoyable slice of jangly pop.

Has anyone heard the Loose Fur CD that just came out recently?

Still waiting to hear about that impending ep from Wilco. Isn't that supposed to be out by now?

I want my Wilco! I want my Wilco!

With Apologies To My American Friends

A friend emailed this to me, apparently courtesy of funny man Rick Mercer.

On behalf of Canadians everywhere I'd like to offer an apology to the United States of America. We haven't been getting along very well recently and for that, I am truly sorry.

I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron. He is a moron but, it wasn't nice of us to point it out. If it's any consolation, the fact that he's a moron shouldn't reflect poorly on the people of America. After all it's not like you actually elected him.

I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than you doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper and better than your own.

I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defense I guess our excuse would be that our team was much, much, much, much better than yours.

I'm sorry we burnt down your white house during the war of 1812. I notice you've rebuilt it! It's very nice.

I'm sorry about your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your beer but, we feel your pain.

I'm sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you're going up against a crazed dictator, you wanna have your friends by your side. I realize it took more than two years before you guys pitched in against Hitler, but that was different. Everyone knew he had weapons.

And finally on behalf of all Canadians, I'm sorry that we're constantly apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way, which is really a thinly veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you're not
upset over this. We've seen what you do to countries you get upset with.

Thank you.

Strongerthan?

News from The Weakerthans that they've just signed to Epitaph Records!

The Weakerthans, from Winnipeg, are one of the best bands in Canada. I suppose they're generally cast as a punk band, but that's more for convenience than anything. They're eons beyond the Blink-182s and the Sum-41s and whatever other crap passes for punk these days. They're also very political, being part of the G7 Welcoming Committee label. John K. Sampson's poetic lyrics (see samples below) are some of the best I've come across in quite some time, although I find myself drawn more to his emotional landscapes. But like most great writers, there's not always a clear distinction between the emotional and the political.

Here's their communique:

From: "The Weakerthans Communications Bureau"
Date: Sat Feb 22, 2003 04:52:30 PM America/Montreal
Subject: Weakerthans and Epitaph Records - A New Alliance/The Future's So Bright!

The Weakerthans are extremely pleased to announce that their next full-length recording, tentatively titled Reconstruction Site, will be released in North America by Epitaph Records late summer 2003.

Epitaph was clearly our 1st choice to put out our next album, and we are overjoyed that this has been realized. We believe in the strength and virtue of underground and independent music, culture and industry. In our opinion, Epitaph embodies all those qualities. Joining them is the perfect decision for us; reaffirming our musical background and current artistic progression as well as our political philosophy. We are punk rockers with a leftist-political conscience - who like Epitaph - fell in love with all sorts of music somewhere along the way. We are so excited to be surrounded by great rock bands, as well as true heroes and legends of music, and to get the chance to work with the staff of Epitaph. It is the label we've always wanted to be on.

We would also like to express our gratitude to G-7 Welcoming Committee Records, who handle our first two records, for their labour and encouragement and for providing a living example of progressive politics in action. Similarly, Sub City Records (licensee, USA) works tirelessly on our behalf, and through their charity program, on behalf of others. We look forward to continuing the promotion of our work with these labels as we begin a new relationship with the fine people of Epitaph.


Check out their web page for lyrics and audio and video samples, including this video for "Watermark", lyrics below.

Watermark
I count to three and grin. You smile and let me in. We sit and watch the wall you painted purple. Speech will spill on space. Our little cups of grace. But pauses rattle on about the way that you cut the snow-fence, braved the blood, the metal of those hearts that you always end up pressing your tongue to. How your body still remembers things you told it to forget. How those furious affections followed you. I've got this store-bought way of saying I'm okay, and you learned how to cry in total silence. We're talented and bright. We're lonely and uptight. We've found some lovely ways to disappoint, but the airport's almost empty this time of the year, so let's go play on a baggage carousel. Set our watches forward like we're just arriving here from a past we left in a place we knew too well. (Hold on to the corners of today, and we'll fold it up to save until it's needed. Stand still. Let me scrub that brackish line that you got when something rose and then receded.

Say What?

Surfed over to the C'est What site this aft because I'm thinking of going there this weekend to check out Alex Baird. I had put Alex in my Showcase page a couple of years ago, and so I poked around the C'est What site to see if she had done anything new lately.

Instead of finding something new, I found something borrowed, which prompted me to fire off this email:

Hi,

I just noticed that your web site is using a piece of my writing ("Spotlight On Alex Baird" -
http://www.cestwhat.com/music/alexbaird.asp) without having asked my permission or at least properly citing the source, which was my Showcase write-up in Canadian Musician magazine
(http://www.canadianmusician.com/cmshowjan01.htm).

I realize it's possible that Alex supplied this copy to you without considering the implications. But I make my living with my writing, so if you're going to "borrow" my work for your own commercial/promotional purposes, I would appreciate it if you could at least credit the source properly.

Thanks for your attention to this matter.

- Jim Kelly

p.s., maybe I should demand remuneration in the form of a free beer every time I visit C'est What. :-)

Waddya think? Was I overreacting, or was I within my rights to do this? I don't think the email sounded too tight-ass, did it? I was kind of pissed.

Psssst

Hey, George, look over here.

"Parker!"

Got my much-delayed xmas present from my brother today. The J. Jonah Jameson action figure! With "desk-pounding action"!

A very cool toy that now sits atop my desk at work.

Of course, I find myself wondering about that last photo, bottom-right. "Spidey sense tingling" indeed.

Welchin' and Jonesin'

Well, lookee here! Norah Jones is touring this summer, and through the month of June, her opening act will be Gillian Welch!

Now, I really like Norah Jones, and I love Gillian Welch... but isn't this a bit of a strange pairing? It's like Lucinda Williams opening for Diana Krall. It's like Steve Earle opening for Tony Bennett. It's like having a home-made oatmeal cookie with a glass of red wine.

Don't get me wrong; I'd love to see them together on the same evening. Too bad Gillian's last night on this tour is the gig just before Norah hits Massey Hall in Toronto. Damn. Maybe she'll swing by this way on her own.

See Norah's tour dates (including those with GW) here.

Speaking of the wonderful Ms. Welch, her web page is offering a live clip from her Time (The Revelator) DVD. Click here and choose your connection speed to see her and the amazing David Rawlings performing "Red Clay Halo" (steams through Realplayer, Windows media player and Quicktime). Check out Rawlings' smooth capo action during his solo. What an amazing player.

I love this song, though it's one of the more "traditional"-sounding tracks on Revelator (maybe it's because I'm from a place known for its red soil). I find it intriguing how on many of the songs on this CD, she's able to sound so very traditional, but yet there's also a very contemporary aesthetic at work, mostly in her approach to lyric writing.

And speaking of rootsy gals, I've been really enjoying Ottawa alt-country chick Kathleen Edwards' Failer CD. She's been getting lots of Stateside exposure lately. I missed seeing her on Letterman last night. If you like Lucinda Williams, you'll probably like Kathleen.

True Blue

Who knew The Material Girl was such an angel.

Konnections

So, this tape surfaces that is apparently Osama bin Laden speaking on the Iraq-U.S. showdown, and Colin Powell uses it to try to prove a connection between al-Qaeda and Sadam Hussein.

Powell told a Senate committee he'd read a transcript of a recording of Osama bin Laden, or someone believed to be the al-Qaeda leader, "Where he once again speaks to the people of Iraq and talks about their struggle, and how he is in partnership with Iraq."

But from the transcript of the tape, bin Laden expresses his solidarity with the people of Iraq, and actually calls Sadam Hussein a few nasty names. That's funny, because George Bush has said exactly the same thing: he supports the Iraqi people and despises Sadam's regime. So does that prove a connection between Bush and bin Laden? It would seem so.

But to further prove the al-Qaeda-Sadam partnership, Powell asserts that al-Qaeda operatives have found sanctuary in northeastern Iraq. In Iraq itself! Of course, that's the area controlled by Iraqi Kurds. So that would seem to prove a connection between the Kurds and al-Qaeda terrorist cells.

But wait! The Kurds are the people the American and British air forces have been protecting for ten years nowóprotecting from Sadam.

I've seen clearer lines of reasoning in a high school debating society.

Goodbye, Dolly

News from the world of science and medicine that Dolly the cloned sheep has died.

LONDON - Dolly, the world's first mammal cloned from an adult, has been euthanized, scientists said Friday.

A veterinary exam confirmed the six-year-old sheep had a progressive lung disease. Her cells had started to show signs of aging faster than a typical animal.

Yikes. That's not good. Sheep normally live to be 11- or 12- years old. Dolly also had arthritis in her hip and knee. Not a great ad for cloning technology, if that was indeed a factor in the advanced aging conditions of her lungs and joints.

And check out this bit of info from the same article:

Scientists have found problems with cloned animals. Most attempts end in failure because the fetuses have oversized organs in the womb or are born stillborn. Other cloned animals have been born twice as large as normal.

Images of sci-fi horror flicks anyone? Giant spiders, giant lobsters, giant kittens eating automobiles. No thank you, Mr. Egghead Scientist! Keep your town-gobbling mutant death-sheep out of my world!

Running Be-Hynde

Not much time to blog, just wanted to crow about seeing Pretenders Monday night at the Hummingbird Centre!

It was my first time seeing them, after years of worshipping Chrissie Hynde from afar. Man, she rocked! She is the coolest woman in rock. She is the ‹ber-chick!

The H-centre is a fairly posh and sedate theatre where few rock bands play. It took a while, but Chrissie finally got everyone up outta their seats and dancing in the aislesómuch to the chagrin of the security people. Read the Jam! Music review here.

The opening act, The All Mighty Senators was quite good too.

SITES FOR SORE EYES

More Sites For Sore Eyes from WFMU. And this instalment featuring Canadian content!

COUNTRY SINGER, JEFF STRYKER!!
http://www.lgcma.com/lgcma-jeffstryker.htm
Mr. Stryker is multi-talented. He sings. He's country. And with radio-friendly hits like "What a Man Has to Do" and "Pop you in the Pooper" it won't be long before his star really starts to rise.

NORTH AMERICAN DIALECT SOCIETY
http://www.hcs.harvard.edu/~golder/dialect
Led by Harvard researchers, this project has been chronicling U.S. regional dialects on-line since 1999. Now comprising responses from thousands of willing Americans, the survey sheds light on legions of befuddling questions: What do you call the gooey or dry matter that collects in the corners of your eyes, especially while you are sleeping? (38% call it "sleep," 10.1% prefer "eye booger" and the rest are simply confused.) What do you call a drive-through liquor store? How do you whip a shittie? All I can say is: Ooglers of the world - unite!

NYHETER
http://www.nyheter.nu/kultur/
Swedish invasion indeed.

STATE OF THE UNION
http://www.asu.net/bsh/union.mov
Dubya expresses fear and selfishness and embraces tyranny and greed as a cause. Evil. Evil. Evil. Requires Quicktime.

REVEREND PHIL ROBINSON, DUCK COMMANDER
http://www.cacoc.org/audio_files.htm
Reverend Phil addresses the devout of El Dorado, Arkansas---and does it using duck calls. (Warning: Remove any household pets from the vicinity of your computer. They will find this very disturbing.)

VANCOUVER POLICE DEPARTMENT INVESTIGATION WEB PAGE
http://www.city.vancouver.bc.ca/police/guns&roses/allimages.htm
November 7, 2002: Disgruntled Guns N Roses fans stir it up, Canadian-style. Rest assured - the Vancouver police aren't taking this lightly, and are rounding up the criminals as we speak.

Krall-ing From The Wreckage

Not to be a rumour-hound, but word has it that Elvis Costello and Canadian pop-jazz diva Diana Krall are an item. Who knew?

"Get Back To Where You Once Belonged..."

Yay! Looks like that little band called The Beatles is releasing another album! Let It Be is being re-released, stripped of all the sugary orchestration and choirs that Phil Spectorócalled in by John Lennon over Paul McCartney's protestationsóhad added in post-production after the fabs had canned the album in 1969.

Most Beatle-philes seem to side with McCartney on this one, decrying Spector's lavish embellishments on songs like "The Long And Winding Road" and "Let It Be". Macca's original idea for the album, and for his songs in particular, was to take a "back to basics" approach, using simple, stark arrangements. Spector's meddling with the tracks infuriated him. I suspect that may have been precisely the effect Lennon was after.

Bootleg copies of the album in its "intended" form, the somewhat mythologized version mixed by the session engineer Glyn Johns, have been around for years, so this release will be a wish come true for Beatle-philes. And for those of us who have never heard that version, it should be a real ear-opener.

So it looks like Phil Spector won't get away with his mangling of Let It Be. But the question remains: Is he getting away with murder?

Some Speeches Are Freer Than Others

Deano posts an interesting entry about the Comcast cable network canceling anti-war ads...

"The Comcast cable television company rejected ads that an anti-war group wanted to air during President Bush's State of the Union speech, saying they included unsubstantiated claims."

I like that. "Unsubstantiated claims." Not like what's coming out of the White House. íCourse not.

Pretty sad day for American democracy when you can't even pay to give peace a chance.

Lives In The Balance

Yesterday at work, I was writing an SOM (Selection of the Month) for the most recent Jackson Browne CD. I surfed on over to his web site to see what info I could dig up, and stumbled across this wonderful poem, sent to him by a teacher.

Brightened up my day. Hope is does the same for you.

p.s. I didn't kill any British actors today.

Raising Caine

Been finding myself with less time to blog recently. Between ball hockey on Monday nights and my copy editing course on Wednesday nights, and the fact that I've been dating someone new, I've been spending less time sitting in front of my computer. Sorry about that, dear faithful readers. I know you understand. I will try to be a better blogger.

Hmm, so what's new?

Well, I killed Michael Caine.

Okay, maybe not in the "traditional" sense of killing someone.

I went to see "Adaptation" last Sunday with Sue and her sister Jen. (GREAT film, btw.) The previews included a trailer for what looks like a very interesting movie set in Vietnam in the í50s or early í60s, starring the aforesaid Mr. Caine. I leaned over to Sue and whispered, "this must have been his last film before he died."

Her jaw dropped, and she replied with incredulity, "He died?!! When did he die? I didn't know that!" I nodded solemnly, and turned my mouth down at the corners, giving that yes-it's-sad-but-true look. Then she relayed the message to Jen, who was sitting to her left. Her response was nearly identical. I informed them that he had passed away some time before Christmas.

Well, my little piece of obituary reportage had been nagging at me. I remembered seeing news of some white-haired, hard-living, old-school Brit actor dying late last year, but I was becoming less confident that it had been Michael Caine. So I did a google search, and found this most useful web page: Dead Or Alive?

Ummm, as it turns out...

But, I was close...

Like I said, I knew it was one of those white-haired, hard-living, old-school Brit actors. Sorry Michael.

NEW WORDS FOR 2003

These were sent to me by a cow orker today, subtitled, "Essential additions for the workplace vocabulary." Some I've seen before, but some are new, at least to me.

BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generationís answer to the couch potato.

SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.

STARTER MARRIAGE: A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets.

STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from oneís workplace.

IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the shit out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

404: Someone whoís clueless. From the World Wide Web error message ì404 Not Found,î meaning that the requested document could not be located.

GENERICA: Features of the American landscape that is exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, subdivisions.

OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that youíve just made a BIG mistake.

Ironically, I experienced an "ohnosecond" when I went to post this entry, and instead hit the "sign out" button. What a 404 I am sometimes.

Sliding Towards Byzantium?

or

Flea boy! Flea!

This weekend's shaping up to be an interesting one. Should be a lot of fun, too.

Friday night, I'm a-going' tobogannin'! God it's been yearsólike, 20 at leastósince I've slid down a snowy/icy hill on a long piece of wood. Pure insanity! But oh such a part of a Canadian childhood. It'll be fun to relive a little of that wild pleasure.

It's snowed a lot here since Christmas and it's been frightfully cold (tonight is actually the coldest night of the year), so the conditions are good. There's a park off Broadview near Danforth, not too far from where I live, with a nice sloping hill that's been a big sliding mecca for the past few weeks. It's actually the west side of the Don Valley, I suppose. It also affords a beautiful panoramic view of downtown Toronto, which is really nice at night, with the moon and the CN Tower and all the lights of the office towers.

And then on Saturday afternoon, I'm going to a flea circus! Yep, that's right. A real old-fashioned flea circus. More info here.

Should be a blast!

Watch The Mousie!

So, I've known for a while that on a Mac, you can use "shift-command-3" to take a screenshot, a "photo" of whatever is on your computer screen. But I just found out today that there's a "shift-command-4" feature that does something similar, but way more useful.

What it does is, it turns your cursor into crosshairs, and then you can select/highlight anything on your screen, and it then takes a photo of only what you've selected/highlighted, which it then saves to your hard drive or desktop, or wherever.

Cool!

Three Easy Pieces

1) Heard about this site on CBC Radio this morning ó Rooting Out Evil:

Rooting Out Evil is sending a weapons inspection team to the United States to inspect the chemical, biological, and nuclear weapons produced and concealed by the Bush regime.

And we want you to join us - in person or in spirit.

Become an Honorary Weapons Inspector
And Support Our Mission Into The USA!

2) Also came across an interesting article in The Times by John Le CarrÈ [via blogdex], which generally captures my feelings on the prospect of Gulf War II. Especially this passage:

"How Bush and his junta succeeded in deflecting America's anger from bin Laden to Saddam Hussein is one of the great public relations conjuring tricks of history. But they swung it."

and this...

"...Those who are not with Mr. Bush are against him. Worse, they are with the enemy. Which is odd, because I'm dead against Bush, but I would love to see Saddam's downfall ó just not on Bush's terms and not by his methods. And not under the banner of such outrageous hypocrisy.

3) But, as usual, The Onion says it best.

Back On Course

Haven't had much time to blog recently, so I'm composing this entry from work on my lunch break. Won't have much time tonight either, as I'm starting a night course at Ryerson in magazine copy editing.

A position as a copy editor might be a wise next career step for me, so I thought it would a good idea to upgrade my skills, and get some actual training from a pro. Editing copy comprises about 30% or more of my present job as a copywriter, and I think I'm pretty good at it, so this course shouldn't pose much of a problem, and hopefully I'll learn some valuable stuff that I don't know now. Plus my employer will compensate my tuition, provided I pass the course, so that's a bonus.

In the meantime, here's something for your edumatational enlightenment: some linkage from WFMU'S BLAST O' HOT AIR newsletter.


HOOGERBRUGGE
"Animated five-part harmony group belch and drop trou at your point and click command as a dark ambient drone plays in the background. It's a Dutch thing."


HARMONIZING HORSIES
"Four happy horsies harmonize in a pastoral setting. It's a Swedish thing."

DO THE MAJOR LABELS OWE YOU MONEY?
"Established to provide information about a proposed Settlement of lawsuits brought by Attorney Generals of 43 states, Commonwealths and Territories, and by counsel for the Plaintiff Settlement Class entitled In Re: Compact Disc Minimum Advertised Price Antitrust Litigation."

THE INTERNET MUSEUM OF FLEXI/CARDBOARD/ODDITY RECORDS
"So you thought they were only round and black! An astounding collection of flexis, promotional die-cut discs, playable paper cereal boxes, postcards, stamps, Chinese food containers, Cream cheese lids, and lots more! We've mentioned this site before but it just keeps getting bigger and better. The collection is curated by Mac, the host WFMU's Antique Phonograph Music Program, and the site is designed and maintained Henry Lowengard (longtime WFMU webslinger)."

JOHANNA'S ART INSPIRED BY STEVIE NICKS
"A world of enchanted drawings inspired by Stevie Nicks. Mystical moons and unicorns galore grace this gallery of Stevie portraits, stationary, jigsaw puzzles and custom tambourines. You can even commission a portrait of you and Stevie together!"

RALPH DEWEY'S BALLOON TROMBONE
"Back in July, 2001 while I was at the Fellowship of Christian Magicians convention, I participated in a balloon orchestra as part of the evening show. We made balloon instruments and pretended to play to a tune. It turned out to be one of the hits of the week. We even got a standing ovation. One of the instruments that I decided to make was a trombone. One that actually had a working slide." Here's how Ralph did it!.

OTIS F. ODDER: 365 DAYS
The Bran Flakes' Mr. Otis F. Odder will unearth a new MP3 track every day of 2003, with some archives of past tracks.
"For the entire year of 2003 (January 1st to December 31st) this page will feature one mp3 file (every day) to download. The content will be focused on musical pieces, but will also include spoken word. Listeners of the incredibly strange and outsider realm take note, for this is the majority of material that will be made available." And How!

Bush League

Over at Slate, Jacob Weisberg provides the "Bushism Of The Day".

Now we've all seen samples and forwarded emails of Dubya's "accidental wit and wisdom". But some of these quotes are just priceless. I mean, this guy's the most powerful person on the planet. "Leader of the free world". Gawd.

This one slays me:
"There's an old saying in TennesseeóI know it's in Texas, probably in Tennesseeóthat says, fool me once, shame onóshame on you. Fool meóyou can't get fooled again."óNashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002

And then there's this gem:
"I want it to be said that the Bush administration was a results-oriented administration, because I believe the results of focusing our attention and energy on teaching children to read and having an education system that's responsive to the child and to the parents, as opposed to mired in a system that refuses to change, will make America what we want it to beóa literate country and a hopefuller country."óWashington, D.C., Jan. 11, 2001

Sure, maybe Clinton couldn't keep it in his pants, but at least he had something between his ears.

All Shook Up

Okay, enough kvetching from me about sports-related injuries. In the spirit of the season, enjoy this lovely snow globe.

I love the little thumping noises they make when you hold down the mouse and keep shaking.

Sorry Charlie

Got back to playing ball hockey tonight after a three-week lay-off over the holidays. We had nine guys show up, so one team got the extra player, meaning they had a sub. It wasn't my team unfortunately.

So it was a bit of a rough night with no rests. By the second and third game (we play until one team scores five goals), I was pretty winded at times. Makes it tough when you spend a lot of energy on scoring chances, and then have to scramble back to play defence when the play goes the other way.

Towards the end of the night, I had a break-away, managed to get a shot off before falling to the floor with an excruciating charlie horse in my right calf muscle. Ooooh, those are nasty. The whole muscle in the back of the lower leg just knots up. Nothing to do but lay there and try to stretch it out.

Got back into the game, and a few minutes later, a player on the other team had a break-away, and I scrambled back to try to catch up with the guy, stretching my stick to try to disrupt his control and hopefully poke the ball off. Wasn't working, so I made a last-ditch desperation dive. Didn't work, and he scored, while I lay sprawled on the gymnasium floor with another charlie horse, this time in my left calf muscle. Even more painful than the first one.

That was it for me. It was almost time to call it a night anyway, so I sat out the rest of the game, and then gingerly walked to the subway.

Man, first the black eye, and then two charlie horses. I thought exercising was supposed to make you healthy! I stretched beforehand like I always do, and drank Gatorade on breaks, but I guess the three-week lay-off plus a bit of overexertion/dehydration left me susceptible to Mr. C. Horse. Oh well, I should be okay tomorrow.

Why are they called charlie horses anyway?

Word

Fitting that this was Dictionary.com's Word of the Day for January 1. I was a big slugabed that day.

slugabed \SLUHG-uh-bed\, noun:
One who stays in bed until a late hour; a sluggard.

Nemecek's business is not for slugabeds. He opens for business every weekday at 4 a.m.
--Drew Fetherston, "He Can Really Make Pigs Fly," Newsday, December 12, 1994

I found Oriana, as usual, up before me, for I always was a sad slugabed.
--W. Hurton, Doomed Ship

All save Whit elected to sleep in that morning. Whit came back to report that he had spotted the tracks of a doe and a fawn made in the new snow directly beneath my unoccupied stand, and I regretted being a slugabed.
--"Paying Tribute to Deer in Minnesota Woods," New York Times, December 6, 1998

Slugabed is from slug, "sluggard" + abed, "in bed."

The Bestest

I guess I'd better toss my Year End Best Albums list at ya before 2002 ticks away. Only mine is the "Top 10 Or So" list (screw you Mr. Metric!). These are in no particular order, although the first two are probably my two favourite albums from the past year.

Now, I didn't hear a few of the albums which seem to be appearing on many other people's year-end listsóColdplay, Solomon Burke, Sigur Ros, Warlocks, Warren Zevon, Soundtrack Of Our Livesóso they may well have made mine if I'd have heard them. But, that's the way the CD crumbles...

Top 10 Or So of 2002:

Wilco, Yankee Hotel Foxtrot

Neko Case, Blacklisted

Bruce Springsteen, The Rising

Norah Jones, Come Away With Me

The White Stripes, White Blood Cells

Steve Earle, Jerusalem

Beck, Sea Change

Paul Westerberg, Stereo/Mono

The Flaming Lips, Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots

Emm Gryner, Asianblue

Sam Roberts, The Inhuman Condition (EP)

Christine Fellows, The Last One Standing


Honourable Mentions:

Nathan Wiley, Bottom Dollar

George Harrison, Brainwashed

Bob Dylan, The Bootleg Series, vol. 5, Live 1975: The Rolling Thunder Review

Rolling Stones, Abkco Reissues

Lord Of The Pings: Return To Jimbuck2

I'm back in Le Grand Fumee. Flew in late last night. Back at work today. Ugh.

Had a nice time back home for the holidays though. Mostly just hung with the family. Every year we have a pre-xmas gathering, usually at the home of one of my three sisters who live in Summerside. My brother Ron lives in Charlottetown, a 45-minute drive to the east (ícourse on P.E.I. that's half way across the province!) Because they all have families and in-laws and competing holiday commitments, we try to all get together sometime before things get too crazy. Plus my dad's birthday is the 21st, and there are a few other December birthdays, so it serves multiple purposes. We have a meal, the younger nephews and nieces exchange presents, and there's a collective birthday cake. It was my dad's 78th. The last several times I was able to make it home, I missed the Gathering, so it was nice to be there this time.

I was the only sibling home from away this year. (The phrase "from away" is used by Prince Edward Islanders to refer to anybody who's a non-Islander. Sometimes "PFA" is usedóPeople From Away. I always get a kick out of that. It's like there are two types of people on the planet: Islanders and People From Away. I'm not joking. This is real sociological shit. The Island psyche is an interesting thing.) Actually, I think this is the first time that there are as many siblings who live away as there are who live on the Island. A 4-4 split. My brother Bob and his family moved to Yellowknife, NWT, earlier this year; my brother Grant lives in Oshawa; Anne is in LA; and, of course, I'm here... in Jimbuck2. So that leaves Patti, Kathy, Paula and Ron on the Island. And Mom and Dad, of course. Ron has three kids and one grandchild and is freshly divorced after 27 years of marriage, but has been seeing a lady who grew up in our neighbourhood, and it seems to be going okay. Patti, Kathy and Paula are all married and have two kids each.

So when I say I spent time hanging with the family, that's not quite the laze-fest that it might seem. It can be pretty time-consuming. There's a lot of hanging to be done! But I don't get to see them very often, and I was able to spend time with everyone at one point or another, so that was good. Don't mean to sound like an old codger or something, but as I get older, I certainly appreciate my family more and more. They're all wonderful, nice and kind people, especially my lovely and crazy sisters, and I'm very fortunate to have them. To me, that's what xmas has always been aboutófamily, gathering together, community.

And of course lots of food, bacon and eggs every morning, and tons of eggnog and sweets. Oh yeah.

And I got to see my great-nephew (grand-nephew?) Liam for the first time. He's about to turn one year old and already walking, with a little assistance. Spitting image of my nephew Nyall, who's 27. He and his wife June live in San Jose, CA. They were married this summer in her hometown of Dawson's Creek. No, she's not a TV character. Dawson's Creek, B.C. Somewhere in the interior of the province. First time meeting her too, and I was happy to see that she seems nice and genuine. She certainly didn't seem out of place jumping right into the middle of the family gathering, so that's a good sign.

Didn't get to see any of my friends in Moncton, though. We moved there when I was 13, so all of my high school friends hail from there. Just wasn't time to fit it all in this year, so family came first. Sorry guys. Next time.

Travel was generally fine. No major problems. With the new airport security, I lost a pair of scissors on the way up (didn't use them anyway; didn't even realize they were in my head-shaving kit, still wrapped in plastic with the other attachments for the clippers). And on the way back, they gave my umbrella a closer inspection, and swabbed the outside pocket on my carry-on bag. For drug residue, I guess? Bomb residue? Dunno.

And now the New Year is upon us. I think 2003 will be a good year for me. I really do. I was born on the 23rd of the month, so numerologically, they both add up to 5, which is a good number for me, I think. I used to think 4 was my lucky number, but I've changed it to 5. Can you do that? Well, I am. Just try and stop me!

Cheers and Happy New Year!

1st Xmas In Jimbuck2

I'm jetting off home to P.E.I. tomorrow for the holidays. Back in a week. Here's wishing all of you a happy and safe holiday season. Cheers!

Mi Case, su Case

My Neko Case piece is now up on the SOCAN web page.

File Under What-thu?

Yes, it just wouldn't feel like the holidays without an appearance by that old stand-by, the Christmas dragon.

Shiner Whiner

Nice. Why go to all the trouble of getting a black eye, when nobody at work even notices? Sheesh.

Or maybe people are just too polite to ask?

Actually, I think it's just not that noticeable with my glasses on. There's a bit of a dark semi-circular bruise below the eye, but most of the darkness is in the outside corner, behind the juncture of the frame and arm. Swelling's gone down quite a bit. There were even times during the day when I forgot it was there. So that's good.

I guess.

The Stopper

Played ball hockey tonight, and in an unusual move, I ended up playing goalie for one game. Usually we have a couple of guys on each squad who are pretty decent goalies, and they rotate every few games to give each a chance to play out. But there was only one such guy there tonight on our side, and when the time came for him to play out, nobody else wanted to don the glove and blocker and get between the pipes. So I did. Just for one game.

Now, I'm not much of a goalie, but I did okay in my own awkward way. Stopped their best player on a break-away, which was nice. Then with their team pressing, the ball went to one of their guys (my friend Ross, actually) coming in on my right with a clear shot, and I went down on my knees to cover off as much of the bottom part of the net as possible. His shot went high, and was zipping towards the top corner, but I was there to make the playóbrilliantly stopping it with my left eye socket.

Ouch.

I was wearing my contacts, but it hit the outside corner of the eye, so the contact didn't split or get damaged in any way, which is good. But there'll be a shiner. It's a little purple and swollen-like right now and I've got ice on it. Actually it's not that bad. Looks like a bad mascara job. I look like Michael Stipe during his eye make-up phaseówell, one eye does anyway.

We'll see how it looks tomorrow. Not much I can do about it. Just let it run its course.

I don't have prescription sunglasses, so I'll just have to put up with the public leering for a few days. "You wanna piece o' me too, Granny! Bring it On!"

Maybe it won't be as noticeable when I wear my glasses.

Holy Kitty Halitosis!

They're baaaaaaack!

Breaking Nooze

Bush Doll Talks Tough
LOS ANGELES (AP) -- A new President Bush doll is talking tough on terrorism, but like the real president, it occasionally misspeaks, too. [read more...]

Nooze-worthy bit: "The fledgling company isn't planning to stop with Bush. A talking Ronald Reagan is in the works for the spring. After that, Wessling and Warnock plan to manufacture talking Richard Nixons, Bill Clintons, John F. Kennedys and George H.W. Bushes."

Ah, yes. The Bill Clinton action figure, with Drop Actionô pants!

Agile Butterflies Use Different Strokes To Fly
LONDON - A butterfly relies on a variety of aerodynamic techniques, often in successive strokes, to fly. Researchers at the University of Oxford trained red admiral butterflies to fly toward a fake flower at the end of a wind tunnel. Wisps of smoke were blown over the insects' wings as an ultra-fast digital camera captured the turbulence.

By comparing the smoke patterns to mathematical patterns, Adrian Thomas and Robert Srygley found the free-flying butterflies (Vanessa atalanta) flap and rotate their wings in six different ways to stay airborne and land. [read more...]

Nooze-worthy bit: The researchers say if engineers could understand how insects manoeuvre so easily at low speeds, they could learn how to build tiny flapping-air vehicles.

Never mind a cure for AIDS or cancerówhat the world really needs is tiny flapping-air vehicles. And these would be used for what exactly? Air delivery of single postage stamps? Air-lifting small quantities of lint?

*shrug*

Punched It. Drank It. Loved It

Saw "Punch Drunk Love" tonight. What a great film. So oddball, offbeat, weird, funny... and probably the most romantic movie I've seen in quite some time. Maybe that says a lot about my idea of romance.

P.T. Anderson is one hell of an interesting filmmaker. This film was so interesting visually. There's a sceneóone of the more subtle onesówhere Sandler and Emily Watson are strolling down a city street at nightóI think it's after the restaurant scene, their first date, I thinkóand there's a big transport truck slowly turning the corner behind them. For some reason, it struck me as so poetic, in terms of the vocabulary of the film. Grace in the mundane, the ordinary.

And I loved the placement of the harmonium. I'm sure there's a term for that in film lingo, but I don't know what it is. Anybody? Ferris?

A pretty incredible break-out performance from Adam Sandler. A great "beautiful loser" character, if I can call Barry that. As weird as he is, there's really nothing about him that I couldn't relate to on some level. He gives in to uncontrollable rage when people hurt him, especially those closest to him, yet also surrenders to his deepest despair and cries like a baby. Who hasn't wanted to do both of those things from time to timeóor perhaps daily? But most of all, he's scared to death of love, but pursues it bravely. He's anti-heroic and heroic. In a sense, he's also a contemporary Everyman. He's nuts. He's screwed up. He's dysfunctional. But isn't that the proper response to living in a nutty, screwed-up, dysfunctional world?

There's also a strong smell of fear in this film. I think maybe Fear is the main antagonist.

Go see this movie if you haven't already.

p.s. Interesting fact about P.T. Anderson (from IMDB): Dropped out of NYU's film program after two days. Subsequently got his tuition payment back and used the money to make "Cigarettes and Coffee" (1993).

That's my kind of filmmaker.