The Sea Refuses No River

It's always sad to learn that someone has taken their own life. I didn't really know Sofa/Noel very well; just through common membership in some on-line communities--the Elvis Costello list and the spin-off Splinter group. He seemed like a very interesting and creative person. My friend Dean--who regular readers will know from the thoughtful and often mischievous comments he leaves for me--was a close friend of Sofa's, and I feel for him, for the loss he's feeling now.

There are so many feelings that come with news of a suicide. There's the sense of guilt; that maybe we could have done more, made a difference. There's loss of course, and a sense of waste. Then there's the anger. How could they be so selfish? Didn't they consider the pain and confusion they'd leave behind in the people who loved them? (The radio in my head is playing Lucinda Williams' "Sweet Old World" over and over.) But though we draw sustenance and support from community, family and friends, I think we're each ultimately responsible for our own lives, or as my ex, Elaine, used to say, we're all alone. I don't wish to presume to know, but I can only surmise that Sofa felt there was no other option open for him. If that's the case, I hope he made the right decision for himself, and I hope he's found composure.

This weekend I'll be getting together with many of my friends, and I think, maybe, it's changed the colour of that event for me. I hope anyway, that I'll appreciate them all a little more, and be a little more grateful for their friendship and their uniqueness. And hopefully I can let them know in my own way that they make my life better and easier.

And yes, Dean, it is a good time to read this again. Thank you for that, by the way. It makes me feel better.